Let's Rob the Store
by AnotherMagicalSummer
Summary: A Superstore AU, where Amy and Jonah turn all Bonnie and Clyde and make crazy decisions, enjoy!


It seems fitting that the man who inspired me to a life of crime, was also the most annoyingly charming man I ever met. My name is Amy Sosa and this is my story.

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I started working at Cloud 9, a large big box store that felt as empty as it was full, fourteen years ago. I was young, foolish and pregnant. Well, foolish only because I thought the job was temporary. Hilarious. And back then, while I might have been a bit reckless and naive, I never would have commited a crime… Not a big crime anyways. Not like.. Well, you'll see.

His name was Jonah. Isn't that an annoying name? It's like that obnoxious sound people make after drinking a cold drink. Gross. He was pretty useless. Dropped out of business school and took the Cloud 9 job because he simply couldn't think of anything else to do with his life. But as annoying as he was, he was also charming. Too charming. So charming in fact, that it was straight up annoying. And that was the absolute frustration that was Jonah Simms.

My marriage was over probably before it even started. We were kids. Like I said, young, foolish and pregnant. And like lots of young people, we married for the wrong reasons and love wasn't really one of them. So I suppose at a certain point I started to feel... feelings about Jonah. He was cute like a puppy. Like a frustrating, annoyingly cute puppy that you wanted to take home with you and immediately house train.

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The thing that no one tells you about getting married, is that divorce is really expensive. On top of that, the bills were piling up. Paying rent on the house I shared with my daughter, without the joint income, was becoming nearly impossible. The stress was starting to get to me. Okay, who am I kidding. The stress had been getting to me since the day I found out I was pregnant. I was ready to explode.

Then the phone call came.

"Mrs. Dubanowski, we understand-"

"It's Sosa, Amy Sosa!" I sharply pronounced into the phone.

"Okay, Ms. Sosa, we understand if you can't make payment, but we will have to evict you-"

"But I have a daughter-"

"We understand but there are rules…"

I stopped listening then because I was too busy swearing uncontrollably inside my head.

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Everything had spiraled much faster than I could keep up. I was taking cover in the back storage room trying to pull together the unraveling bits of myself. And then suddenly there was Jonah with his charming grin and positive attitude. God save us all.

"What's.. Uh,.. what's going on?" Jonah could tell something was up, of course, he had been lingering by my side for three years and he knew all my faces.

"Nothing," I snapped. Then sighed, "Fine, everything."

"I'm a.. I'm a good listener?" He suggested. Well no, Jonah, you are a good talker. A good listener was debatable. But after all this time with his annoyingly charming pretty boy face, I had been worn down. So fine, I told him everything. Well, not everything. I told him about my financial situation.

"Jesus,.." Jonah looked overwhelmed. "I wish I could offer you a couch to crash on, but I'm still crashing at Garrett's." See? What did I tell you, he's useless.

Then a thought dawned on his face, almost like a joke, he grinned. "You could just take the money from the store. I mean, remember when I caught that, I mean, witnessed, that guy stealing? If I hadn't stopped him, I mean, Dina hadn't stopped him… he would of just.. Like, walked off with it…" Jonah was rambling, but…

"Wait, you're right." I interrupted him with a sharp look.

"Whaa..?" Jonah was confused. Of course he was, little puppy.

"The security here is terrible!" I could feel myself getting fired up. "It's basically nonexistent! And we work here, we know the schedules of employees. We know the layout of the store. We know the secret hallways!" I was basically jumping out of my skin now. A wild sort of excitement in me that hadn't been there since my teenage years.

"Uh, Amy I was just joking… about stealing…" Jonah looked awkwardly around the storage room like someone might be listening, but we were alone.

I moved closer to him, that fire stirring that had been dormant for so many years. "Were you?" I whispered as I stood closer to him, I raised my eyebrows, "Were you really?"

"Ye-yes? ...No? I don't…" Jonah was the most indecisive man in the world. But I knew that deep down there was one thing he did want. So I leaned in closer, grabbed his shoulders and pulled him towards me. The kiss was breathy and rushed. I could have done better but the dawning of a great idea was distracting me.

"You want this." I stated, as I pulled away from him.

"This.." Jonah pointed to the space between us, "Ye-yes.. I do." He gulped sheepishly. "But, if you mean, stealing…"

"Come on, Jonah." I pushed him half playfully and half from frustration. "When in your life have ever wanted anything?"

"Uh-" And that look fell across his face, he knew I was right. He had never wanted anything. He was completely useless without direction. Adrift. Pointless. "Well, I want people to like me." He concluded lamely after clearly running through possible answers in his head.

"Well, I'm telling you. I like you. And I want this. Come on, this could solve everything. Screw this place!" I grabbed him excitedly by the shoulders with a wild abandonment. I was feeling more alive than I ever had.

Jonah stared back at me, a look of bewilderment slowly turning into a grin. He liked having my attention, he'd been begging for it for years. Now he had it, I knew he couldn't say no. "Let's... rob the store...?" He finally said out loud.

"Let's rob the store." I answered confidently.

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It was a plan that basically wrote itself. Like I had said, the store had terrible security and I knew the place like the back of my hand. And as a hardworking, long-time, loyal employee, no one would suspect me. It was the perfect crime. And anytime I faltered or second guessed myself, I would just look at Jonah's charmingly annoying eyes and I would feel the fire light up again. The excitement I long craved for my life, hitting me. Sure, maybe there were smarter ways of dealing with my financial woes, but was there a more exciting way? I was tired of being smart. I wanted to be reckless again. I wanted to be alive.

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"So, we'll just take what we need. No more, no less." Jonah was nodding as we sat in my car during our lunch break. Jonah really took to having a mission, he craved having a purpose even though he'd never found a bigger picture one for himself.

I smiled at him, I felt a sort of delirious happiness that one only feels as a teenager. I grabbed him and kissed him again. This time lingering and letting that heat build. His arms hungrily wrapped around me as I ran my fingers through his stupid perfect hair. It had been so long since I'd let myself feel greedy, I liked it.

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We choose a Tuesday afternoon for the crime to take place, because nothing ever happens on a Tuesday. We had thought of everything ahead of time and laid out our plans. We had double checked the schedule. We had taken care of the security tapes. We had plans A, B and C. Even a plan D, but that was unlikely. Years of being a parent had perfectly prepared me to plan for anything. Who knew parenting was the perfect training for a life of crime?

"Wait, what should we wear?" Jonah nervously asked the night before as we sat on my couch.

"How about t-shirts that say GUILTY on them?" I dryly responded. Oh little puppy dog.

Jonah chuckled and blushed. "Okay fine, so just normal clothing?"

"Yeah Jonah, just be normal. It's a normal day."

"How are you not nervous?" Jonah looked at me suspiciously, "There's a real, change in you."

"I don't know," I sat up on my heels on the couch looking at him, "I just feel.. Alive. Like, I've been half asleep and now.. Finally…I'm breathing again. I'm living again. I'm feeling again." I leaned into him and smiled coyly.

"Uh, huh..." He grinned in return. "And you are sure, you still want to do this?"

"So sure. Very sure." I moved my hand down his pants.

"I, uh, I mean the stealing…" Jonah stuttered.

"Uh-huh, that too." I smiled at him and didn't stop.

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The first half of Tuesday was totally normal. Thankfully Jonah dressed normally. His regular button up shirt was buttoned up too high, just like normal. We moved through our day regularly. Same faces, same routine, same small talk, same customers.

Then the moment came and... everything changed.

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"Take all of it."

"Wait-what?" Jonah whispered.

We were in the room with the safe, we'd already switched out the security tape for the room, but still we had to act quickly.

"Take all of it." I insisted.

"Amy.. no. We agreed. We only take what we need." Jonah recited looking alarmed.

He was right. We did agree, multiple times. We'd gone over it and over it. We would only take what we needed. Just enough to make rent. It wasn't a lot, maybe no one would even notice. But standing there looking at all those stacks of bills just… they were just sitting there.

"Take all of it." I repeated yet again. This time I reached out and took it myself. I threw the stacks into Jonah's backpack. "Fill it up." I insisted. Jonah just looked shocked and didn't move. "Do it Jonah" I insisted again and finally Jonah wearily reached for more money until the backpack was full.

"Damn." Jonah looked at his backpack as he zipped it closed.

We quickly shuffled out of the room and reprised ourselves out in the hall, as Jonah headed to the breakroom I casually called to him, "So I'll see you after work, we'll get that drink."

Mateo walked by and squished his nose at us, "You two finally hooking up?"

I laughed awkwardly the way old Amy would, "Oh no, we're just friends, stop it."

Mateo rolled his eyes and walked off, I gave Jonah a thumbs up and headed back to the store floor. The rest of the day I wore the mask of old Amy, but it wasn't me anymore. I was new Amy. A phoenix from the flames. Alive.

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Jonah was waiting for me out in his car, to pick me up. We'd distracted everyone with this story about how we were getting a drink after work. All those fools had wanted us to hook up, so it was all anyone focused on all day. Idiots.

"You've got it, right?" I grinned as I jumped into the car. Jonah looked pale. I grabbed his backpack.

"Wait, don't open it here, let's leave first." Jonah responded alarmed and he quickly moved to pull the car out of the parking lot.

As we pulled into traffic, I opened the zipper and breathed in the smell of money. "God," I exhaled, "I never realized how good that smell is. I always thought money smelled dirty, but no.. it's.. Living isn't it? It's alive." I excitedly threw the bag into the back seat. "Jonah!" I cried as I hit his arm playfully as he drove, "Don't you feel alive?!"

"I feel… something. Maybe nausea?" He gripped the wheel as he drove.

"Lighten up, man! We did it! We did it. We did it. We did it!"

"We... sure did."

"What's wrong? We planned the whole thing out, it went off without a hitch. Knowing the store, they won't even notice the money is missing for what… like..a week? Maybe two? We are golden!"

Jonah swallowed hard as he drove and took a hard right turn. He finally spoke, "We said, we'd only take what we needed. So you could pay rent. Nothing more. But.. But you took more. Amy. What are we gonna do with all that money?"

"What are we gonna do?!" I responded breathlessly, full of fiery excitement, "We… we're gonna live! We aren't gonna worry anymore. We're gonna breathe. .. We're… We're rolled around on it naked!" Jonah turned and looked at me sharply, he wanted to look stern by I saw the glint in his eye. "But! First! We're gonna get that drink." I grinned at him.

"Drink?" Jonah looked confused.

"Yeah, the drink. We told everyone we were getting a drink after work."

"I thought that was just a story…"

"Nope! To the bar my good sir, for a glass of their finest whiskey!"

I finally got a chuckle out of Jonah as he sighed and turned the car in the direction of the bar. Poor little puppy, but he was coming around.

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Three glasses of whiskey later, Jonah had more then come around. He was fully on board. The charming directionless man that he was.

"And a jet ski. We should have a jet ski."

"On the island? Sure, we should have a herd of jet skis"

"On the PRIVATE island."

"UH huh, for all those private times we shall be having." I winked at him. The whiskey running through my veins and the fire pounding in my heart.

"This is so wild." Jonah whispered, staring into my eyes with a quiet hunger.

"I know, but it feels great, doesn't it?" I ran my hand over his leg and trailed my fingers over his backpack on the floor between his feet.

"You know what?" Jonah suddenly grinned and chuckled, "Weirdly,...I feel, I feel like.. Productive. Like, I've finally actually done something with my life."

"Yeah!" I beamed at his annoyingly charming face, "And you were good at something, for once."

"I was.." Jonah looked thoughtful at that. He'd always wanted to be good at something. Then he turned and grinned at me again, "We were good. We make a good team."

"Indeed," I moved in to kiss him. A wild sort of whiskey driven kiss. The adrenaline still lingering through every move I made.

There was a tv quietly on over the bar, but suddenly the bartender had turned the volume up as a news story came blasting through.

"..that's the Ozark Heights Cloud 9 store, where over 5 million dollars has been stolen, no arrests yet at this time…but suspects have been narrowed down to employees of the store"

"Shit." Jonah whispered.

I dug my nails into his leg as we watched the screen, "Act normal you idiot." I hissed into his ear.

The tv screen showed the front of the Cloud 9 store where Glenn was being interviewed by the police and lights were flashing. For a second my heart fell, poor Glenn, he looked so sad and confused as he talked to the police. But then I reminded myself that Glenn would be fine. He'd beat himself up about it at first, sure. But ultimately, he'd be okay. It was the district manager's fault for not having tougher security at their stores, and she would be the one to take the blame.

"What do we do?" Jonah spoke calmly but I could see the panic in his puppy dog eyes. A wave of affection hit me as I looked at him. I'd do anything to protect him from the fear I knew was rising up inside of him.

"Plan D" I whispered with confidence.

"What's plan D?"

"We run."

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We'd calmly paid our bill and left the bar, like a casual pair on a good time date.

We grabbed what little we had in Jonah's car, then walked. We walked in shadows till we hit the parking lot of a nearby library where a few cars were parked. I pointed out a sturdy but older model, perfect. "I did this once in tenth grade" I whispered confidently to Jonah. He just nodded knowingly at me. "Yes, I remember you told everyone."

Before you knew it, we were on the highway. I let out a big sigh as I let my grip on the wheel loosen a little. I was the one driving now.

"Isn't it more suspicious, if we leave?" Jonah looked skeptical.

"It would only be a matter of time." I reasoned, "Plus, screw it all. SCREW. IT. ALL." I threw my head back.

"But what.. what about Emma?" Jonah shifted awkwardly. "Sure, nothing is keeping me in St. Louis. And honestly I only stayed as long as I did because of you," His eyes glinted in the dark of the car, "But you have a daughter…"

My heart faltered. Look, I'm not a monster. I love my daughter. She is a gift. A joy. An annoyance at times, but she makes my heart glow. I'm not a monster. I took a deep breath as everything that was happening washed over me.

"Adam is a really good dad."

"So, that's… it?" I could feel Jonah's bewilderment.

"You're not a parent. You don't get it." I was getting defensive. "I'm not a monster, but I'm not.. I'm not a great mom. But Adam is great. It might be the only thing he is truly good at."

"Won't you miss her?"

I swallowed the tears I felt building inside me. "Of course" I whispered to the dark highway ahead of me. "When the time is right, I'll send her money. She's be okay. She'll be safe and loved and taken care of. That's the most you can ever want for your child."

There was a long pause of silence in the car.

"Okay" Jonah finally said quietly.

After another long pause, he sighed like he was rallying himself up again. "So, where to?"

I felt the fire return to my heart as a smile creeped back on to my face. "The world is our oyster."

"Well, I'll follow you anywhere." Jonah's voice met me in the dark car as we hurtled through space down a highway heading anywhere.

"Good, Because that's where we are going."

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So, that's how it started. And I'd be lying if I said that's how it ended. Because of course, endings are beginnings and beginnings are endings. I can't tell you where we went. But I can tell you what we did. We breathed. We felt fire burn inside us and wind blow back our hair. We escaped all the bad thoughts. We tangled ourselves up in the good. And my god, dear reader, we lived. We really really lived.

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End.


End file.
